Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There r osticjed everywhere
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Randomize
