Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
