Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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