I just saw a hot homeless man
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
