my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
