I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
