I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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