ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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