I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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