I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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