I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
