I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
