So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
