Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
