I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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