I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
