fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
