my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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