Need sex. Gaining weight.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
