I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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