Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
