Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
