the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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