My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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