I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
