just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
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It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
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I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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