Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize