I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
