my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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