My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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