His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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