my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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