The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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