Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
