Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
