Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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