i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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