So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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