i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
