I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
