I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
