Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
