I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
