Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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