found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
