I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
