Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
