I wannas sexs uuuuu
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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