I must be too annoying 4 u.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
