i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
