i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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