it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
