HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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