For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
