Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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