lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
