Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
