omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
