i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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