I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
