I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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