Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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