Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish you could order shots online.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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