Please, let me fuck your mom
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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