Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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