Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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