Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
