What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
