We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
