i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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