Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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