do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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